I’ve started writing the things I don’t normally get to say

I’ve started writing the things I don’t normally get to say

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Hi,

I’ve started something new.

For years, most of my writing has had a job to do. It’s been for Horizon Connect, clients, therapists, training, men’s groups or businesses.

This is slightly different.

I’ve started my own Substack because I wanted somewhere to write about the things I find genuinely interesting:

Why we overthink.

Why perfectly sensible adults behave like complete idiots in relationships.

Why we repeat patterns even when we know they’re bad for us.

Why our brains can keep us awake at 3am solving problems that don’t need solving.

Therapy.

ADHD traits.

Friendship.

Loneliness.

Getting older.

And some of the things therapists think but probably aren’t supposed to say out loud.

This isn’t another self-improvement newsletter

I’m not going to tell you to get up at 5am.

I won’t recommend an ice bath.

There won’t be seven habits that will transform your life before breakfast.

And I definitely won’t tell you that everything happens for a reason.

I’m much more interested in a different question:

Why do we do what we do?

Because after years of working as a therapist, one thing I keep coming back to is this:

Understanding comes before change.

We spend an enormous amount of time criticising ourselves for our behaviour without ever becoming particularly curious about it.

“Why am I like this?”

“Why do I always overthink?”

“Why did I react like that?”

“Why do I keep choosing the same kind of relationship?”

“Why can I give everyone else perfectly sensible advice and then completely ignore it in my own life?”

Those are interesting questions.

And they're the sort of things I’ll be writing about.

Sometimes serious. Sometimes funny.

Probably quite often both.

I want the writing to sound like an actual person talking to you, because an actual person is.

No corporate wellbeing language.

No pretending therapists have life completely worked out.

We really don’t.

And no treating normal human behaviour as though every slightly inconvenient personality trait requires a diagnosis.

Sometimes we're struggling.

Sometimes we're stuck.

Sometimes our brains are trying to protect us in ways that stopped being useful years ago.

And sometimes we're just being a bit of a dick.

Human beings are complicated.

That’s what makes them interesting.

If any of that sounds like your sort of thing...

Come and have a read.

Alan Stokes | Substack

You can read the articles online and, if you enjoy them, subscribe so new ones arrive directly in your inbox.

No pressure. Have a look first.

Read it here Alan Stokes | Substack

Alan

Psychology. Relationships. Therapy. Behaviour. Life.

No bullshit self-improvement. Just an attempt to understand ourselves a little better.

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